Letting go, Letting God...(And a temporary goodbye)...

I guess somehow I started a so-called cyber riot and I've confronted issues with the firmness and dedication so much that I have consequently caused a stir of aggravation against me. All I really have to say is "oh well" and shrug. I stand by my words and my beliefs and by who I know I am; I believe in God, and that He loves me and all His children equally. I fully believe in the words and teachings in the Holy Bible and the Book of Mormon. I am, yes, Mormon. And call me human, but I disagree with a few teachings of the church, which is my sole opinion.  I am, what you could call, label-less. That means my sexuality has no preference but I do want to start my own family and yes *gasp*, want to have a husband. As I've stated before many times, right now at this moment I am not interested in a relationship with a guy. I really don't get why that is getting so much negative hype. It's like everyone encourages you to speak your mind and how you feel and tell the truth, but once you do the world is against you once again. I've gained a greater knowledge of the saying that goes, "Let go, Let God"...


I admit I have been quite, how may I say, aggressive when it comes to the topic of equality but that is only because I just can't see myself not defending people's rights. I grew up in a biracial family, with inter-racial parents, and by the stories my Mother has told me about her experiences with inequality, it has always been my desire to be that beacon and support to those who lack a sense of pride of who they are.

Oh and by the way, I lost count of how many disapproving glares I've received from many of you who do not agree with what I believe in. But if you're intention is to make me feel guilty, you have failed. I am quite content with my life right now and I stand by my words with conviction. OH, and for those trying to convince my family they have an unstable daughter who needs rehabilitation, you have once again failed miserably. My family like my mother, aunt and sister stand by my side. They may have differing views on a few topics, but they love me nonetheless. It's people like them that causes me to backtrack my irreverent and judgmental thoughts against anyone who does not fully support what I support. They are full of love and compassion that I can look past our differences and see that I too love them nonetheless.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am not going to be on this blog or  Facebook that very often any more. But wait, if you're already smiling with a sneering satisfaction because my controversial posts have bothered you, wait for this; I am currently working on my memoir and a book to help LGBT teenagers, specifically those who are Mormons, understand how precious they are and how to deal with the many conflictions that are brought upon them. So hopefully now you are feeling sour towards me. (I enjoy seeing my work come to place, and my haters squinting their eyes with their pouting lips). But as the Christian woman I am, I hope the best for everyone who tried to tell me otherwise. I am learning how to let go and let God. In fact, it was God who gave me peace in my heart recently, and He is the same God that makes things go in full circles.


I believe in karma. I really don't have to sit here blogging about how mean and cruel anti-gay groups, bullies and racists are, because God is the judge and I am not. Yet, that doesn't mean I won't shut up. Like my mama always said "Let your dress and countenance be elegant, let your words be soft but firm, and always stand for what you believe in without wavering in doubt" ( She said this in Spanish, which I might add sounds even more classier then it does in English). I may still struggle with "soft words", which I am working on. But I will not just shut up and keep shut so I can keep some people happy. I am not at all a people-pleaser nor do I intend to be one, ever. If you don't like it, why in the world are you reading my blog?

Anyway, as I said "Let go and let God". God is so good. Sometimes I get frustrated because I can't just have a normal conversation with Him and ask Him questions and expect a verbal answer back with Him physically there. But that would throw His plan for us. We only got ourselves and the help from God. We can't rely on Him so much that we lose our individuality. But we also can't stray too far from Him that we forget where we came from. So I am letting go, and I hope you guys will too. I didn't mean to offend anyone, but if I did, I will not apologize. :) Thanks. I'll be back to blogging soon before you know it.

                                Good bye, farewell, we'll meet again.

To Clear Things Up....

Okay I think I need to clear some things up. When I came out to everyone on this blog, if you check out my blogpost called "Come out, wherever you are" I assumed you guys knew that I still of coarse liked boys. A lot people have confronted me and said "So, you don't have any feelings for boys". OF COARSE I DO. I was saying how I prefer girls better. But if a guy comes along and hey, it's meant to be then it's meant to be. I find it funny how people think once you're straight, that means you can't have feelings for the same sex. And I think it's funny how people expect lesbians or gays to suddenly lose interest to the opposite sex. All I am trying to say is I wouldn't mind both, but I prefer girls better at this moment. I believe in progression and change. If someday I choose to marry a guy and the love is there, then yes I will marry him. Same thing goes with the girl. It's all up to God, that's my opinion.


I just wanted to clear the air. I wish people wouldn't be so serious. Just let loose a little bit.

Why Same-Sex Marriage...WHY NOT?

I know I've been blogging a lot recently but it's because I just can't keep my mouth shut about what I believe in. Sorry. Ain't gonna happen. And if you're so worried about how ungodly my blog is, why are you reading it? Because it is inevitable to not think about the equality that humans should have. And that is what my blog is all about. It's about encouraging and sharing equality and my life story. If you don't like it, then all I can do is shrug and give you an "Oh well." Because frankly, I think it's quite hypocritical for those against gay marriage to say they have the constitutional right to go against it yet when those who are for it start speaking support the conservative Mormons chant "THE DEVIL. IT'S THE DEVIL. DO NOT SPEAK." Last time I checked, gay marriage is centered around love and having an opportunity to share that love with someone you care about. Yeah, Satan is definitely for a chaste marriage between two people. And another thing. When conservative Mormons throw this in my face "Well, if you truly want to be happy eternally in a marriage, it has to be through a man and a woman". Oh really? Last time I checked a marriage between a man and a woman is getting their ranks in divorce higher than ever before. "About 1% of the total number of currently-married or registered same-sex couples get divorced each year, in comparison to about 2% of the total number of married straight couples. Note that the percentage of couples that get divorced eventually is close to 50%, but only 1% or 2% of them get divorced in any particular year." So there's that. And another thing; Why is the Church so fixated upon condemning gay marriage? Why not abortion? Why not rape? Why not sexism? Why not sex-trafficking? Oh, that's right because "being gay is against God's will". If it's against God's will, why is it that many LDS LGBT members, when they prayed to God to know if they were to keep their sexuality hidden or asked God about it, say that they received confirmation that God loved them nonetheless and it didn't matter what sexual orientation they are because He loves them either way? And thus, if God love us so much, why would He condemn His LGBT children to be married to the person they love? Because it'll make them happy...in the long run? Ha, I don't think so. I was NOT happy when I was keeping my sexuality a secret. I was actually depressed. Now I've overcame that...Oh but now you're telling me it's okay to be gay but it's not okay to get married to your partner? HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE.


Another thing. The LDS church has made their support on single men and women apparent. They say they uphold respect for them. That's great and all but isn't marriage an eternal principle in the Church? Yet they permit a member not to get married because hey, they don't want to get married. PLUS, we have agency. Well that's just honky-dory, isn't it? But if we have so-called "agency" why is the Church working so hard to prevent gay marriage? "Because it's God's law that is higher than man's" Well okay, yeah sure. Then why not strive to end abortion laws? Oh right. Because the brethren are fixated on ending gay marriage. Well, I'm sorry but that doesn't make sense to me. At all. If you consider gay marriage a sin, that's your problem. But why spend so much time condemning it and not so much time concentrating on sins that DO affect humanity. And don't get me started on the procreation argument. There will always be straight people because people don't choose to be gay, and neither do they choose to be straight so obviously humanity will keep on going. And plus, women in who are gay and have a partner can still get pregnant through the wonders of science. So your argument is invalid.

Here's an excerpt from an article that basically sums it up: "But of all of the political issues that the Brethren could have gotten their knickers in a twist over,  why same-sex marriage?  Why not condemn the unholy alliance between public and private interests?  Why not address the problems with skyrocketing poverty and inequality?  Why not be in indignation over human rights abuses?  Or here’s a good one, why not issue a statement on the abuse and exploitations of girls and women?  I just don’t think same-sex marriage is worthy of moral outrage.  Its not exploitative, its not cruel, it doesn’t create poverty, its not a precursor for war, excessive corporatism, or exploitative economics, its not mean, its not intolerant, its not sexist, its not abusive, its not a social disease and it won’t steal your car or hold you at knife point.   Heck, it doesn’t even deny the existence of God.   Its simply the legal formalization of a monogamous relationship of choice.  And lets face it, its  going to happen anyway because  its a nonsense to assume that we can completely turn off our sexual orientation, and thus who we end up loving."



And so what's your argument? That "family is ordained by God?" HECK YEAH IT'S BY GOD. But what I don't get is why it has to be between a man and a woman. The church teaches that what we feel on earth won't be done away with in the afterlife. Soooo....if I know I am gay......and the church says it's okay to be gay....but I can't marry my partner...because it's against God's will.....why would God make me gay in the first place? To be single all eternity? Because hey, I ain't going to start liking boys in the afterlife. Seeing God isn't going to change the fact that you're gay. You can't choose to be gay or straight. If the Church recognizes that, how come they don't permit gay marriage? And so, the hypothetical theories begin; When I meet God and He judges me I just really can't imagine Him saying..."Hey Erin, You lived your life worthily when it came down to following Christ and the Church and I happen to know you're gay, because I made you that way. But wait, see you married someone you loved and had a family...when I said you couldn't. So you can't come into heaven. Bye". Yeah because that sounds like such a loving God we talk about at Church all the time.


This is what I know...God loves all His children and I am gay, because I am gay. I just can't see God not wanting me to have a family and to find someone I love because of my sexual orientation. It just seems so NOT God. Just like how Joseph Smith's brother, Hyrum, couldn't see God not allowing people without the knowledge of Him and His true church to meet Him again, I cannot see God not allowing two people who love each other to LOVE.

And plus, I can mention the mistakes of the Church like polygamy, which I think should be taken as a serious sin instead of gay marriage. Like, come on. Letting a man have as many wives as He pleases is just disgusting. And don't even try to defend the Church by saying it was "God's will" at the time. If it was, I still wouldn't believe it. Women aren't toys you can just share. I would think God had more respect for us women than that. And you can say all you want..."it was to preserve the women because many were husbandless..." Well couldn't they have just taken them in under they wing...why did they have to have sex with them for goodness sakes. But that is another topic, for another time.


All I'm trying to say is the church is not perfect, God is. And we have agency. I can marry whoever I want and if my Maker truly will punish me for doing so, then let it happen. But I don't think God is like that. I promise you...in a few years our children's children will be saying..."First racial discrimination then sexual orientation? Why does everyone need have the need to hate?" And they will shake their heads at us. Think about that.




SOURCES: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/frederick-hertz/divorce-marriage-rates-fo_b_1085024.html
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/kiwimormon/2014/01/church-instructs-leaders-on-same-sex-marriage-or-did-it-just-make-a-bad-situation-worse/

The Reflections of Coming Out Through Music

Today was subsequently a hard day. When I came out last week I thought that everyone I loved/cared about me would support me. I thought the people in my life were more than their prejudices. Turns out, they aren't. This didn't come as a full-shock. I was bracing myself for this. But you really can't prepare yourself for your loved ones non-acceptance. So to cheer myself up and escape the scolding of those I apparently "offended", I turned to meditation, prayer and music. All which have immensely helped me view this as something positive. And through excerpts of music I found the solace and advice I longed for. So, I'd to posts these excerpts from the songs that gave me and still give me encouragement and strength. I narrowed them down to three songs;



You Have More Friends Than You Know, by Mervyn Warren and Jeff Marx

"Those who love you the most may need more time to grow.....Be who you are, learn to forgive, it's not about who you love but how you live..."

There were two lyric phrases that stuck out to me. The first was those who love you the most may need more time to grow. How true is that statement? I know so many other fellow LGBT friends who's family rejected them or, in a less severe case, still loved them unconditionally but disagreed with their "life-style" (And P.S. it's not a lifestyle, it's who we are. It can't be "fixed"). Whatever situation you are in, you come to find that the reason they are being the way they are doesn't mean they hate you. I promise you, most parents of LGBT who had a child who committed suicide would tell you they would've loved them either way. But death, it changes people. It gives them a broader perspective. We mourn over the many suicides taken place from a child who was bullied, yet some were too embarrassed to actually friend and support the child. As the saying goes "Everyone loves you when you're dead". But no matter what, that doesn't change the fact that evidently, acceptance doesn't just come right away. Out of my own experiences, it took me about six years to accept the fact that I am gay, and that it's okay to be who I am. Fortunately, I have several supporting family members who love AND support me, nonetheless. Then I have family and friends who now avoid me and has left me to feel alienated and frankly, unwanted. I have now come to realize that they surely must still love me but...they "need more time to grow". If it took ME about six years to accept myself, I can't imagine how many years it's going to take my other less accepting family to get used to fact that hey, I'm gay and I can't be "fixed". And the second phrase of the excerpt of the song I hope they will learn is that "it's not about who you love, but how you live..". Did you know back in the days of race oppression, Mormons didn't allow black men to have the priesthood. And for a long time, some people thought it should stay that way. But now, regardless of race or background, ALL men can receive priesthood. Isn't that just amazing? But if you told that to those who lived in the 1950's, I think they would be non-accepting to the idea of that, wouldn't they? See, it's all about change. And for all of you who are defending anti-gay rights with bible verses, just know many people did just that when it came to the African-American men gaining the right to have the priesthood power, and in general, to have any rights at all. Remember that.

"I won't pretend that I am some one else for all time" - Christina Aguilera, Reflection


This lyric is pretty self-explanatory but can be generally used for many issues. When being yourself and learning to love yourself, it truly is a universal piece of truth to take action upon. Would you pretend to be gay all your life if you knew you were straight? Would you pretend to be a singer, when you absolutely hate singing and rather be an actress? obviously not. So why force the LGBT community just to fit YOUR standards? We are not forcing you to do anything but leave us ALONE if you do not accept us, and if you can, try to at least love us. Is that so much to ask for? Didn't Jesus call everyone to love one another? Let me say this: I will not succumb to this fixated non-tolerance shit. Yes, I just cussed. Not because I enjoy to cuss but because all this prejudice, discrimination and refinement of rights is complete and utter shit. I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all times. I don't like boys. Get over it.

3.) "But I'd rather make a song you can play on the radio, that makes you wanna grab your lover's hand.." - Ariana Grande, Piano

I write songs, and recently I've gone through what I call "the coming out blues". For anyone who has come out, it's not only glory and pride. It comes with the cost of frustration and resentment against those who hate on you, that are waiting for you to fail. I write songs of hate to them out of pure enragement and hurt then I realize I've become a monster like them. If I'm consoling others not to spread hate but love, I need to follow my own example. And once I think about it, "I'd rather make a song you can play on the radio that makes you want to grab your lover's hand..."! I want my life to be filled with music, good and positive music. I want to CREATE good and positive music. So now I write songs filled with pop staccatos of the joys and trials and blessings God gives me to share to the world, (and not to mention, makes you want to dance and let loose).

Okay so that's it for today. Hopefully this blog post brightened and enlightened your day. :) Yours truly - Erin

My Opinions on Gay Marriage in Utah...And my announcement

Guess what? Gay Marriage in Utah? I'm all for it. Gay Marriage in all 50 states? Yes please. And I'll tell you why.

I plan to marry a partner someday and have children. (Yes,*gasp* if you haven't found out already I am lesbian and I am a Mormon and proud). Until then, I am staying a virgin and I am staying chaste. It's just what I believe. How then can I stay chaste in Utah until my partner and I get married if we can't get married? How can I stay chaste in Virginia, if I can't get married? I am planning next year to move to either New York or California since they are the two states that permit gay marriage. They aren't my first choice though. Virginia and Utah are. You guys want to talk about the LGBT for being adulterous? Of coarse we are! Because where we live will not permit the chance to be pure! I have received comfort and peace from God that who I am is who I am! Why can't these anti-gay groups just realize some people are gay? Get over it.


Here's my announcement...If this Tristen guy in Utah fasted for a few days against gay marriage then I'm fasting FOR it. All things are possible through God! Now I am not going to be outrageous by fasting for over 20 days but I sure going to fast for few days starting next week! Things need to start changing. God loves all his children and  I know that He loves me, nonetheless. If Utah won't allow gay marriage, will that stop gay marriage? HA. No. You can't stop love. Love is universal. And it's inevitable. LOVE & PEACE.

Come out, come wherever you are....

"In an ideal world, I wouldn't be doing this video because it shouldn't matter" - Tom Daley on his Coming Out Youtube Video. ////// My rendition of Tom Daley's quote: "In an ideal world, I wouldn't have to address this because it shouldn't matter."




I recently came out to the public a few weeks ago on this blog actually. I quickly deleted the post, afraid of how people would respond. Let me say this; I will not delete this post. I will not delete this moment in my life. Because seriously. It shouldn't matter if I'm lesbian, bisexual or whatever. It is my life. I know that sounds selfish. Don't think I came out not knowing that a lot people I love would get offended. Some people might think God, my greatest friend and my Heavenly Father, is offended. He might be. I'm not sure on his stance of who I am. But I know this; God loves us all, nonetheless. You can call me whatever you want. A dyke, a sinner, a lesbo etc. I've already been named vegay. Because I'm a strict vegetarian and apparently gay. But know this; Gay's original definition is meant to be happiness. And I am happy. I'm the same person I was before. I was just keeping this to myself, afraid of how everyone would think. But see, I'm not anymore. I'm really happy. Does this mean I am happy with someone? I don't talk about any of my intimate relationships to the public, so that will not be addressed. But let me just say this; I am very happy in my life right now. I just really wanted to come out finally without being ashamed. And also, people think by being "gay" or whatever that you suddenly lose interest in God, if you were religious. Well guess what? I'm still religious. I'm still that dorky Mormon, who is obsessed with living for God and who prays to Him and *gasp* still believes in the Church.


"When one hides such a critical part of one's self, everything becomes hidden. It's not like I could have real and meaningful friendships, but just leave out the "gay thing". Imagine your straight, married friends having a substantive friendship with you while never mentioning their spouse -- ever. You just can't pick and choose parts of yourself to share and expect any real degree of validity.....It is my deep belief that someday I will meet my maker and I will be asked who I am and what I did for others.
Everyday, I am working hard, preparing my answer to be, "I am a gay, Christian, farm girl from Kansas who sang Country Music and I did the very best I could do -- to know God and to share God." - Chely Wright...source:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chely-wright/gay-christian-country-singer_b_880736.html


And as for me. I know that when I stand before my Maker as well, I will not be ashamed. I will tell my beautiful Father, "Lord, I am not straight. I am gay, bisexual whatever you want to call it. I'd like to call it normal. And God, I tried the best I can to spread Your love and Word. I know who I am now, Lord.














1 John 4:7-8  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/20-inspirational-bible-verses-about-gods-love/#ixzz2pV9ynDTV

















1 John 4:7-8  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.