I've learned so many things from my dear mother. Let me just say, my mother is so elegant and graceful in all things; in the way she speaks, especially in Spanish, and the way she carries herself, the way she dresses and presents herself. I was raised to be a lady and have manners but always to have dignity of being the young woman I'm growing to be.
Just recently, a lot of people have been curious about my love life. It's overwhelming, to know so many people actually care about things that don't have to do with my music and my beliefs. It's astounding how people can be so absorbed in being in love or love stories when they are living it explicitly without even knowing it. God is our first love and yet we seem to forget that He is. He is the most irresistible, the most loving, and caring Man us women can receive in our lives. My love and connection between my Lord is this bond that is irrevocably unbreakable. I adore Him, and I think that is why I've never been in very intimate relationships before because I already possess one that will last eternity, despite what many believe.
But what questioned my relationship with my first Love was actually a man in my family. I'm obviously not going to state who, cause I have the divine power of dignity that I hold for myself and him, but yet I cannot yield myself from not speaking out...
This man in my life, has made my life, frankly, a living hell to be honest. But yet, he has made it heaven on earth at the same time. Despite my best efforts to try to keep the peace treaty between us, he always seems to have a short-temper and spur of the moment outrages. It honestly has frightened me to the point of even thinking to escape my own life, a attempt to end my life to ease my pain. But then I thought to myself...why would end my life? It would just justify that he would always win. He always got the last word. And that's when I realized.... I will never sacrifice my opinion, my dignity, my divine nature, my religion, and my salvation in return for what I thought was bliss. But it isn't. Ending your life will only cause you grief and regret and the ones that loved you will have to deal with that devastation for the rest of their lives. But not only in the case of suicide, but in anything. One time, I heard a young man call a girl ugly in church. At first I was shocked because I'm not used to such behavior, yet I was immune to it as well, since the man in my life that has mocked and ridiculed me has said the same thing...yet I've never seen an actually young man of God call another woman ugly or fat or anything like that. I turned to him, sharply and told him in the most serious tone I think I've ever used with a young man to never ever call a woman that. He was frightened and shocked, I could tell. But that wasn't the least of worries. He then stuttered and said something like "that's not what I meant". I grimaced. Yeah right, I thought. But I think I made it pretty clear that I didn't approve of that kind of use of language. Maybe he know thinks I'm this crazy feminist or something of those sorts, which I basically am.
But let me say this, I am a woman of God but I am also a woman of opinion. I believe in equality yet I also believe in moral respect for women as well. It's all the same to me. I think that is why I was born at this time. If I was born about sixty years ago and the men of the church didn't allow women to say the prayer in church, I think I might start a riot. And if I was born in the 1970s, and found out through the grapevine that African American men were not permitted to be baptized or have the priesthood, I would nearly tear out all my hair and but again, go on a riot. I think we live in a empowering time, for women especially. We shouldn't take the apostles council of sustaining a family as a restriction to the rights we possess. If you feel it is right, and you want to follow dreams whether that is acting or singing or dancing and a man tells you not to pursue such things, defy him. Because the only person who can tell you exactly what to do in those kind of situations is you, yourself and God. You don't need a man to feel empowered and equal. You don't need the priesthood to feel equal to your spouse or to any man to be exact.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is I've finally had the strength to act upon dignity. Dignity itself is my best friend. It's something I cherish so dearly. I thank my mother for teaching me and nurturing me in a way so I can feel liberated AND know I have the responsibility of divine nature and no one can take that away from me. Oh about that man in my life who I always thought made my life a living hell, was actually my nightingale because he led me into the process of forgiveness and happiness. Words cannot hurt me anymore. I am free. And happy. 💕 - Erin xo
