The Reflections of Coming Out Through Music

Today was subsequently a hard day. When I came out last week I thought that everyone I loved/cared about me would support me. I thought the people in my life were more than their prejudices. Turns out, they aren't. This didn't come as a full-shock. I was bracing myself for this. But you really can't prepare yourself for your loved ones non-acceptance. So to cheer myself up and escape the scolding of those I apparently "offended", I turned to meditation, prayer and music. All which have immensely helped me view this as something positive. And through excerpts of music I found the solace and advice I longed for. So, I'd to posts these excerpts from the songs that gave me and still give me encouragement and strength. I narrowed them down to three songs;



You Have More Friends Than You Know, by Mervyn Warren and Jeff Marx

"Those who love you the most may need more time to grow.....Be who you are, learn to forgive, it's not about who you love but how you live..."

There were two lyric phrases that stuck out to me. The first was those who love you the most may need more time to grow. How true is that statement? I know so many other fellow LGBT friends who's family rejected them or, in a less severe case, still loved them unconditionally but disagreed with their "life-style" (And P.S. it's not a lifestyle, it's who we are. It can't be "fixed"). Whatever situation you are in, you come to find that the reason they are being the way they are doesn't mean they hate you. I promise you, most parents of LGBT who had a child who committed suicide would tell you they would've loved them either way. But death, it changes people. It gives them a broader perspective. We mourn over the many suicides taken place from a child who was bullied, yet some were too embarrassed to actually friend and support the child. As the saying goes "Everyone loves you when you're dead". But no matter what, that doesn't change the fact that evidently, acceptance doesn't just come right away. Out of my own experiences, it took me about six years to accept the fact that I am gay, and that it's okay to be who I am. Fortunately, I have several supporting family members who love AND support me, nonetheless. Then I have family and friends who now avoid me and has left me to feel alienated and frankly, unwanted. I have now come to realize that they surely must still love me but...they "need more time to grow". If it took ME about six years to accept myself, I can't imagine how many years it's going to take my other less accepting family to get used to fact that hey, I'm gay and I can't be "fixed". And the second phrase of the excerpt of the song I hope they will learn is that "it's not about who you love, but how you live..". Did you know back in the days of race oppression, Mormons didn't allow black men to have the priesthood. And for a long time, some people thought it should stay that way. But now, regardless of race or background, ALL men can receive priesthood. Isn't that just amazing? But if you told that to those who lived in the 1950's, I think they would be non-accepting to the idea of that, wouldn't they? See, it's all about change. And for all of you who are defending anti-gay rights with bible verses, just know many people did just that when it came to the African-American men gaining the right to have the priesthood power, and in general, to have any rights at all. Remember that.

"I won't pretend that I am some one else for all time" - Christina Aguilera, Reflection


This lyric is pretty self-explanatory but can be generally used for many issues. When being yourself and learning to love yourself, it truly is a universal piece of truth to take action upon. Would you pretend to be gay all your life if you knew you were straight? Would you pretend to be a singer, when you absolutely hate singing and rather be an actress? obviously not. So why force the LGBT community just to fit YOUR standards? We are not forcing you to do anything but leave us ALONE if you do not accept us, and if you can, try to at least love us. Is that so much to ask for? Didn't Jesus call everyone to love one another? Let me say this: I will not succumb to this fixated non-tolerance shit. Yes, I just cussed. Not because I enjoy to cuss but because all this prejudice, discrimination and refinement of rights is complete and utter shit. I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all times. I don't like boys. Get over it.

3.) "But I'd rather make a song you can play on the radio, that makes you wanna grab your lover's hand.." - Ariana Grande, Piano

I write songs, and recently I've gone through what I call "the coming out blues". For anyone who has come out, it's not only glory and pride. It comes with the cost of frustration and resentment against those who hate on you, that are waiting for you to fail. I write songs of hate to them out of pure enragement and hurt then I realize I've become a monster like them. If I'm consoling others not to spread hate but love, I need to follow my own example. And once I think about it, "I'd rather make a song you can play on the radio that makes you want to grab your lover's hand..."! I want my life to be filled with music, good and positive music. I want to CREATE good and positive music. So now I write songs filled with pop staccatos of the joys and trials and blessings God gives me to share to the world, (and not to mention, makes you want to dance and let loose).

Okay so that's it for today. Hopefully this blog post brightened and enlightened your day. :) Yours truly - Erin