The Reflections of Coming Out Through Music

Today was subsequently a hard day. When I came out last week I thought that everyone I loved/cared about me would support me. I thought the people in my life were more than their prejudices. Turns out, they aren't. This didn't come as a full-shock. I was bracing myself for this. But you really can't prepare yourself for your loved ones non-acceptance. So to cheer myself up and escape the scolding of those I apparently "offended", I turned to meditation, prayer and music. All which have immensely helped me view this as something positive. And through excerpts of music I found the solace and advice I longed for. So, I'd to posts these excerpts from the songs that gave me and still give me encouragement and strength. I narrowed them down to three songs;



You Have More Friends Than You Know, by Mervyn Warren and Jeff Marx

"Those who love you the most may need more time to grow.....Be who you are, learn to forgive, it's not about who you love but how you live..."

There were two lyric phrases that stuck out to me. The first was those who love you the most may need more time to grow. How true is that statement? I know so many other fellow LGBT friends who's family rejected them or, in a less severe case, still loved them unconditionally but disagreed with their "life-style" (And P.S. it's not a lifestyle, it's who we are. It can't be "fixed"). Whatever situation you are in, you come to find that the reason they are being the way they are doesn't mean they hate you. I promise you, most parents of LGBT who had a child who committed suicide would tell you they would've loved them either way. But death, it changes people. It gives them a broader perspective. We mourn over the many suicides taken place from a child who was bullied, yet some were too embarrassed to actually friend and support the child. As the saying goes "Everyone loves you when you're dead". But no matter what, that doesn't change the fact that evidently, acceptance doesn't just come right away. Out of my own experiences, it took me about six years to accept the fact that I am gay, and that it's okay to be who I am. Fortunately, I have several supporting family members who love AND support me, nonetheless. Then I have family and friends who now avoid me and has left me to feel alienated and frankly, unwanted. I have now come to realize that they surely must still love me but...they "need more time to grow". If it took ME about six years to accept myself, I can't imagine how many years it's going to take my other less accepting family to get used to fact that hey, I'm gay and I can't be "fixed". And the second phrase of the excerpt of the song I hope they will learn is that "it's not about who you love, but how you live..". Did you know back in the days of race oppression, Mormons didn't allow black men to have the priesthood. And for a long time, some people thought it should stay that way. But now, regardless of race or background, ALL men can receive priesthood. Isn't that just amazing? But if you told that to those who lived in the 1950's, I think they would be non-accepting to the idea of that, wouldn't they? See, it's all about change. And for all of you who are defending anti-gay rights with bible verses, just know many people did just that when it came to the African-American men gaining the right to have the priesthood power, and in general, to have any rights at all. Remember that.

"I won't pretend that I am some one else for all time" - Christina Aguilera, Reflection


This lyric is pretty self-explanatory but can be generally used for many issues. When being yourself and learning to love yourself, it truly is a universal piece of truth to take action upon. Would you pretend to be gay all your life if you knew you were straight? Would you pretend to be a singer, when you absolutely hate singing and rather be an actress? obviously not. So why force the LGBT community just to fit YOUR standards? We are not forcing you to do anything but leave us ALONE if you do not accept us, and if you can, try to at least love us. Is that so much to ask for? Didn't Jesus call everyone to love one another? Let me say this: I will not succumb to this fixated non-tolerance shit. Yes, I just cussed. Not because I enjoy to cuss but because all this prejudice, discrimination and refinement of rights is complete and utter shit. I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all times. I don't like boys. Get over it.

3.) "But I'd rather make a song you can play on the radio, that makes you wanna grab your lover's hand.." - Ariana Grande, Piano

I write songs, and recently I've gone through what I call "the coming out blues". For anyone who has come out, it's not only glory and pride. It comes with the cost of frustration and resentment against those who hate on you, that are waiting for you to fail. I write songs of hate to them out of pure enragement and hurt then I realize I've become a monster like them. If I'm consoling others not to spread hate but love, I need to follow my own example. And once I think about it, "I'd rather make a song you can play on the radio that makes you want to grab your lover's hand..."! I want my life to be filled with music, good and positive music. I want to CREATE good and positive music. So now I write songs filled with pop staccatos of the joys and trials and blessings God gives me to share to the world, (and not to mention, makes you want to dance and let loose).

Okay so that's it for today. Hopefully this blog post brightened and enlightened your day. :) Yours truly - Erin

My Opinions on Gay Marriage in Utah...And my announcement

Guess what? Gay Marriage in Utah? I'm all for it. Gay Marriage in all 50 states? Yes please. And I'll tell you why.

I plan to marry a partner someday and have children. (Yes,*gasp* if you haven't found out already I am lesbian and I am a Mormon and proud). Until then, I am staying a virgin and I am staying chaste. It's just what I believe. How then can I stay chaste in Utah until my partner and I get married if we can't get married? How can I stay chaste in Virginia, if I can't get married? I am planning next year to move to either New York or California since they are the two states that permit gay marriage. They aren't my first choice though. Virginia and Utah are. You guys want to talk about the LGBT for being adulterous? Of coarse we are! Because where we live will not permit the chance to be pure! I have received comfort and peace from God that who I am is who I am! Why can't these anti-gay groups just realize some people are gay? Get over it.


Here's my announcement...If this Tristen guy in Utah fasted for a few days against gay marriage then I'm fasting FOR it. All things are possible through God! Now I am not going to be outrageous by fasting for over 20 days but I sure going to fast for few days starting next week! Things need to start changing. God loves all his children and  I know that He loves me, nonetheless. If Utah won't allow gay marriage, will that stop gay marriage? HA. No. You can't stop love. Love is universal. And it's inevitable. LOVE & PEACE.

Come out, come wherever you are....

"In an ideal world, I wouldn't be doing this video because it shouldn't matter" - Tom Daley on his Coming Out Youtube Video. ////// My rendition of Tom Daley's quote: "In an ideal world, I wouldn't have to address this because it shouldn't matter."




I recently came out to the public a few weeks ago on this blog actually. I quickly deleted the post, afraid of how people would respond. Let me say this; I will not delete this post. I will not delete this moment in my life. Because seriously. It shouldn't matter if I'm lesbian, bisexual or whatever. It is my life. I know that sounds selfish. Don't think I came out not knowing that a lot people I love would get offended. Some people might think God, my greatest friend and my Heavenly Father, is offended. He might be. I'm not sure on his stance of who I am. But I know this; God loves us all, nonetheless. You can call me whatever you want. A dyke, a sinner, a lesbo etc. I've already been named vegay. Because I'm a strict vegetarian and apparently gay. But know this; Gay's original definition is meant to be happiness. And I am happy. I'm the same person I was before. I was just keeping this to myself, afraid of how everyone would think. But see, I'm not anymore. I'm really happy. Does this mean I am happy with someone? I don't talk about any of my intimate relationships to the public, so that will not be addressed. But let me just say this; I am very happy in my life right now. I just really wanted to come out finally without being ashamed. And also, people think by being "gay" or whatever that you suddenly lose interest in God, if you were religious. Well guess what? I'm still religious. I'm still that dorky Mormon, who is obsessed with living for God and who prays to Him and *gasp* still believes in the Church.


"When one hides such a critical part of one's self, everything becomes hidden. It's not like I could have real and meaningful friendships, but just leave out the "gay thing". Imagine your straight, married friends having a substantive friendship with you while never mentioning their spouse -- ever. You just can't pick and choose parts of yourself to share and expect any real degree of validity.....It is my deep belief that someday I will meet my maker and I will be asked who I am and what I did for others.
Everyday, I am working hard, preparing my answer to be, "I am a gay, Christian, farm girl from Kansas who sang Country Music and I did the very best I could do -- to know God and to share God." - Chely Wright...source:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chely-wright/gay-christian-country-singer_b_880736.html


And as for me. I know that when I stand before my Maker as well, I will not be ashamed. I will tell my beautiful Father, "Lord, I am not straight. I am gay, bisexual whatever you want to call it. I'd like to call it normal. And God, I tried the best I can to spread Your love and Word. I know who I am now, Lord.














1 John 4:7-8  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/20-inspirational-bible-verses-about-gods-love/#ixzz2pV9ynDTV

















1 John 4:7-8  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

New Year Resoluton and A Blast From the Past

I hope all my readers had a very merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday. Today is New Years Eve which just astounds me to be the point where I'm speechless. So many blessings were brought forth in my life this past year. And so many trials. But I'm not very fond when it comes to dwelling upon the negative so I'm going to make a list of all my blessings that I experienced this past year, and encourage you to do so as well!


1. I drew closer to God. You can never get enough of God's infinite love and care. See there is no limit. That is why I love my Father so much and I've grown closer to Him this past year; Because He never changes. His love never fails. And He only wants the best for me.

2. I've come to understand the Savior in a whole new light. I used to think of the Savior as a vague yet kind man who sacrificed his life for me and I owed him. But that is NOT the case. Jesus is not at all vague. He is apparent. He reveals his wondrous works through the scriptures and his seers and prophets throughout history to the present day. He loves us more than anything and didn't give up his life because God asked him to. He offered it unto us because He loves us. If his love is an ocean, we're all sinking and drowning yet we are living in his love. Because the Savior is everlasting and His power is manifesting. He is as real as can be and I'm thankful for Him more than I can even comprehend.

3. My recovery. It's been a hard year, yet I cannot help but rejoice in my recovery. I was struggling with depression and my eating disorders and other personal issues. But then I let myself heal and through the Grace of God, I was healed. Sure, I still have my days. The difference now is that I know I can tell somebody and I'm not afraid to ask for help from God or from those I love.


4. My Health.  For about two months now I had made the decision to become vegetarian, hoping t be become a full-time vegan pretty soon. And it feels great! I feel so much more alert and happy then I was before. When I was struggling with my eating disorder I never really grasped the idea of a healthy diet. I always thought starving yourself was how you get skinny and healthy. Wrong. Let me say this; if you're eating three meals a day, maybe some deserts and snacks here and there, but your eating things like vitamins, fruits, vegetables and grains and you're trying your best and you are exercising for at least an hour a day, you are doing fine. I have been told that I need to lose weight and that I'm not skinny enough or good enough or whatever. Now, if anyone tries to tell me or even whisper the word diet, I go on a full on rant and you know, I've been told I'm known for my temper. But how can I not defend myself? I'm beautiful, curves and angles and mustard stains and all.  I know I still like sweets. I have a fetish for milkshakes and onion rings. But I eat moderately and it's alright to have days where you junk out. We are all human. I'm so tired of hearing girls thinking that they have to size zero to feel beautiful. Curves are not beautiful. Skinny is not beautiful. YOU are beautiful. Remember that. And make sure, if you're feeling up to doing exercise so you indulge yourself with pity parties full of junk food, to take a step back and breathe. First of all, don't hurt yourself for pigging out. The next day, just work out. Working out isn't just lifting weights and running till you get cramps. My favorite kind of workout are aerobics. For example, zumba. To me, it feels like I'm not working out but just having fun. Find out what works for you. If it might be yoga, aerobics, kickboxing, dancing, swimming etc. If you're moving, then you're all good. I love being fit, but that doesn't I still don't have my days of junk feasting. It's alright. The key is smaller portions, eat more vitamins and exercise. If you can sit on your butt watching reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashions like I tend to do, I know you can exercise for at least an hour. Sorry for the huge pep talk but I just love discussing health and how it changed my life, for the good.


5. My Singing and Blogging Success. I look back and feel grateful for how I've changed. Especially my voice. I can reach more notes then I could before and I've discovered so many cool indie artists that have changed my perspective on how music should be. My songwriting has become so much more potent and deeper. I'm not afraid to say I'm proud of myself. I'm definitely not the best out there, that's for sure, and I still have so much more to work on. But it's all a process. And, just recently I created a Youtube account where I sing Covers. I posted a Cover about three days ago and it's already has more than 100 views. I love you guys so much. I couldn't have done it without you. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC68JBqbkeHVVefQDisKnIYA But really, I couldn't have done all those worship nights at different churches without the help of those who allowed me to perform. I'm also grateful for my family and friends that supported me in my singing career. And I'm so glad that I made this blog! I love sharing my life and advice to people I don't even know. And I love sharing God's love to all ya'll! Thank you so much for reading my blog and keeping up with me, even though I think I'm pretty boring. :) I'm just an average girl, but I'm happy that I get to share my average-ness with you.



As for my New Years Eve resolution. I don't really believe in New Years Resolutions because most them, sadly, fail. I believe in goals that I have already started. If you mess up, pick yourself back up and try again. Even if it's not new years day, you can still make a change. Hope ya'll have a good night and be safe and have fun!





















Happy New Years Eve!!!!!

God's love never fails

“How could ye have rejected that Jesus who stood with open arms to receive you?” (Mormon 6:17)

I've been asked by many of my peers, why I chose to be Mormon, and why I am not ashamed of being Mormon and why I love the church...and I'll tell ya.



During the most struggling and gruesome trials in my life, it is Christ who helps strengthen my testimony in this beloved Church, when I accept His love and guidance. Jesus is ultimately the center of this Church. He is the founder thereof. And I have searched the whole world to find another religion that could cause such joy and happiness and such peace, and I could find none except the Church I am in now; The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.


Some members I've met, especially my fellow youth, will tell me that they do not know for sure if the Church is true. "Well," I say, "have you prayed about it?". The answer is usually no, so I think that's the first step. If you are in doubt, or have a question and you are frustrated that you can't seem to find an answer, ask God. He isn't merely a clockmaker, who creates and doesn't involve Himself in his creations existence. God's whole purpose is to "bring to pass the immortality of man". And by this, we can come to know God better, and even someday become like Him. How amazing is that? Our God is a merciful God and has provided so many tools and ways to communicate with Him, receive revelation from Him and come back to HIM. God is not a secretive God and neither is this Church. We invite all men, to come and partake of the blessings beyond compare.









Now in my experience, it was little different. I was born in the Church but never sense a connection with God and had my doubts. I then involved myself with the wrong people, the wrong crowd you say. But mostly, I felt lonely and desperate for something I didn't even know I had. I was longing for God's love. And so, I asked God for myself, if He was there and I can tell you He is. His love is so tangible and everlasting. But God is open to all men, who desire Him. But no one can stop Heavenly Father from loving us. You are permitted to not believe in Him, but you cannot ever convince God to love you any less. Regardless of any sin, of your background, of your doubts...God's love never fails. If you allow His presence He won't relent until He has it all. What love is that? It is Christ's love. It is God's love. It is love. And when the day comes, where we meet our Savior again, I feel as though if we didn't do the best we could've and we rejected His blessings and most of all love, we will all regret it at the last day. But there is still hope and it is called the Atonement.


It baffles me that somehow, we reject His endless adoration and love towards us. It baffles me how some people can not accept the Atonement. I think it is because we cannot comprehend His love. Most of the time, the reason we have doubts about God, is because we do not know how much He truly loves us. Like Kari Jobe says in her graceful words..."What love is, that You gave Your life for me...and made a way for me to know you? What love is that?" It is Christ's love. It is God's love. It is love. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13).












And His love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me...- Jesus Culture. It truly does not. No matter who you were before, no matter who you are today, you can change through the atonement of Christ and His wondrous grace. You can't do it all on your own. I know I cannot fathom being controlled over someone else but God isn't a controlling God, He is a loving one. And all His commandments and covenants we seal upon ourselves, our for our greater good. We may not know why now, but I've realized the best way to prove to yourself that the Lord's way is the best way is to tell yourself why not and simply, do it.

After you follow the commandments and try your best, I promise you that you will notice the blessings His word gives. Our God is a faithful God and He is also our Heavenly Father who loves us. He sent His only Begotten Son to die for us. And Christ too, loves us infinitely. How can we not accept their open arms? How can we not? The answer is this: Don't reject, accept.

Life Is Curious...by Erin Clegg

My darlings, life is so curious 

Can you even see

I don't even know why there has to be answers

You know, because life isn't fun 

When there aren't any questions to dig

There isn't any stories to tell

The ones that are suspenseful

Well, those are the best

And loves, I have a story to tell

It's my life well of coarse

And stories, they don't follow the rules

Oh no, stories tell a tale of breaking them

And finding yourself through nakedness

Striping down your internal impurities 

Will only make you boring

Because if we were on this earth to be good

Why did this so called God allow bad

Now don't get me darlings,

I don't rejoice in the devilish ways

But through hell will we find heaven

Like dear old Dante did

But there is no heaven and there is no hell

Unless you think you are in one of the two

See, when I'm overcome with gallows of sorrow

It is hell I see on earth, I swear it to be the truth

And when I'm happy, which I don't really know what happy is,

I guess I feel like I'm in heaven too

What is heaven

What is hell

What is devil

What is God

We are all

of the above

For we decide our destiny 

I hope and pray though, at the ends of our days

We won't turn into dust

At least, Great Universe, let us be the stars

How curious it is though, I feel the most peaceful

when I'm talking to the Above

Because even if He is there and even if He isn't

At least the Moon is

And I forget all my doubts and tribulations

And rejoice in the curious tomorrow 

Life is curious...it should be that way

Because when we die, who knows what will see..............

- Erin Clegg

My Views on Gay Marriage & Sexuality....

Before I state my opinion let me say this...I am not perfect. I do not know everything. And I am trying in my best ability to answer such a sensitive question, yet the answer is so simple. And I'll explain why in a second. Please, read this with a open heart and an open mind....


So, many have wondered and asked my views on Gay Marriage. I think my views are a bit biased because I've been in a position where I've been and still are friends with those in the LGBT community, which I blessed to be to this day. Know that I am not God, so thus I do not know everything. Yet I feel like it's such a taboo to be blunt with this subject. Yet I understand that we must be empathetic...I will go with a quote from one of our prophets from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, President Hinkley in response to ; "We love them and want to help them"...you can interpret that saying by just what it says. And I totally and completely agree with him.


If honesty is the key to life, let me say this; I would be lying to you if I said I've never had a girl crush before...what girl hasn't???? I also would be lying to you if I told you when people would previously ask me about this subject and I would simply say "Gay Marriage is okay with me"...so now I will set the record straight....I believe in eternal marriage through a man and wife. BUT some do not get the chance to get married...is that a sin? No. Now, with gay marriage...I believe if those are already married and do not have any knowledge of the Gospel, they are sinless because they are knowledge-less. If I was now a missionary now and I knocked on the door and a lesbian couple answered I wouldn't give them a disgusted look. I would look at them with a warm look because as a member of this Church, I am to love one another. And I do, and I love everyone despite of their mistakes because I make mistakes. I remember in Sociology and Psychology we studied sexuality and this is what I conclude....


We are all, no matter what, are bound to face a questioning of our sexuality at least once is our life. It's natural. I've done it. Actually I considered myself bisexual for a long period of time, but then I realized it was honestly just a phase. Because that it is most of the time. "A phase"....yet, I can't help wondering how those elderly lesbian couples and elderly gay couples can stay together for so long if it is simply just "a phase"...Here's my philosophical theory...those who are gay or lesbian or etc because of their past. You cannot just say they were born that way. Maybe they were, who knows. But environmental causes can be a huge factor. Many lesbians or bisexual women or men have had a male figure that has skewed their views on men. Many have gone through physical or verbal abuse from a man. This is why I can't stress enough...MEN, LEARN YOUR MANNERS. Sometimes I cannot understand why some men can have the priesthood when they are just so rude and verbally abusive to those around them. Your mother probably did not raise you to be so vain. Like our dear old friend Snookie said "I should be become lesbian, because nearly all men are douchebags..." This was and still can be my thoughts from now and then.



Doesn't that seem sad? It does to me. In the scriptures, Paul declared that “neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” 

We are equal in the sight of the Lord. God does not prefer men over women, or women over men. Sometimes even I have to remind myself that. Neither is one sinner more preferable than the other. Gay Marriage or being gay in general isn't the only sin out there...there's being impatient, dishonest, breaking the laws of chastity, being violent and etc. It also says "Thou shalt not kill". Yet no one wants to condemn war but that's another topic for another blog.


What I'm basically saying is overall I do not agree with Gay Marriage is a sense that it should be permitted to be sealed within the temple because that's not God's plan. Now who knows, maybe in a few years, God will permit it and it will be the norm...and maybe it won't. Who knows? But for know, I am going to follow the prophet's guidance. And if gay marriage should be intact, then let it not be intact. BUT, I also believe love for all men. SO, we must be kind. Do not stop being friends because they've come out of the closest; SUPPORT THEM. Tell them what I tell my friends, "I may not agree completely with it, but I love you. And I don't care if you're gay, bi, black, blue, yellow or freaking purple. If you're nice to me, I'm nice to you. God's the judge, and I love you..." Don't shoot back saying they're damned to hell and you will never communicate with them again because that's just stupid and it makes you look like a homophobic mad hatter. So chill out, and count to ten and love one another and don't judge.











Peace to you, my loves. xo